To the girl who…is so ready to be a mama.

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To the high school girl who is so ready to be a mama. You don’t share this desire with many people around you for fear of odd stares, but deep down, it’s there.

To the single girl who’s heart is so ready to start your family. So ready to wash dirty hands and scrub little toes. So ready to hear little giggles and laughs from inside that once spare bedroom. If only you had a man to start your life with, then maybe that four letter word wouldn’t sting so much when you said it.

To the girl who’s been married for two and a half years who’s eyes water at the sound of a babies cry. Who’s mind daydreams of the day she’ll see two lines on that pregnancy test. Who’s heart beats wild for God’s promises over her life. Who’s ears have heard that she will have a sweet baby that doesn’t look like her, through adoption. The girl who’s seen adopted AND biological babies running  around in her home one day.  Beautiful little people making messes, giving you hugs, begging you to kiss boo boo’s, and calling you mama.

To the girl who’s been told there may be a possibility of no children in her future. To the girl who’s heart just sank to the bottom of her toes. You can’t even think about the fact that you may never feel a first little kick or hear that sweet little four letter word.

Your heart aches. Not because your sick. Not because you need to get some rest. Your heart aches. Not because you’ve lost a loved one. Not because you need a vacation. Your heart aches, because you just saw that little girl smile at you. Your heart aches, because you just smiled back at the little angel running wild and free through the lobby of the probate office. The probate office where she will be adopted by her foster mama. Your heart aches, not because you’re sad, but because more than inhaling your next breath, you are so happy for her. There are no words to contain the joy that you’ve had getting to be apart of her life. Getting to be the girl she smiles at each morning as her mama drops her off for the day.

There are no words that contain the joy that you have getting to love on that child.
getting to be that favorite aunt to that precious niece and nephew…
getting to be apart of sweet babies lives through that one week on your mission trip…
getting to be the one who is called last minute to babysit those silly kiddos who seem like family now…

but sweet girl, your heart aches.

Your heart aches when your hands release the child you’re holding to give them back to their mama. Your heart feels like it’s ripping out when that beautiful baby you invest in and cherish and love doesn’t call YOU that. You long for that four letter word to be yours.

You know God’s timing is perfect. You know that He has a plan. You don’t wanna be selfish. You don’t wanna rush Him, but it’s almost too much to bear to hold and love on that child when you just don’t understand why it’s not your own.

You must know, brave one, patient one, beautiful one, that these feelings have not caught God off guard. He created us girls, us women, with that desire. The desire to be a mama. The desire to care for that little soul. When he molded the first woman, Eve, from Adam’s one rib, He breathed the breath of life into her lungs and smiled, because he knew something Eve did not. He knew that that breath of life would be what brought forth thousands to millions and billions of other new little lives. That one breath from the Almighty God possessed the power to create and recreate new life over and over again. Eve didn’t have a clue. She was so taken back by her own life that was just breathed into her by her Abba Daddy. How could it get any better than that? Oh if she only knew that one day she would get to taste the feeling God felt when he birthed her to life.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb, I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” Psalm 139: 13-14

The Lord knits, forms, creates, breathes life into a MOTHER’S womb. He prepares the mother’s womb for life long before a child is placed within in it. For some, your womb is being prepared to have a little mini me placed within it. For some, your womb is being prepared to have a little foster child sit on top of it. For some, your womb is your heart and it’s in the process of being prepared to have a child birthed within it through the beauty of adoption. A child that may not look like you. A child that needs a mama. A child that will find that in YOU.

God’s plans for his daughters are beautiful and the more I walked through the wait, the longer the time passed, the more time I had to meditate and ponder on the brave women of the Word who’s walk looked a lot like mine. A lot like yours.

For many girls, pregnancy comes like a gentle breeze that you expect when you step foot out the door. For many, the four letter word came completely unplanned and unprepared.

But for us. For those who have had to wait, for those in the wait now, for those who feel like they are so far away…for us our walk is unique. Our walk is brave. Our walk is a walk towards the unknown. Our walk is exciting. Our walk is hopeful. And Why?

Hannah. The woman with the barren womb. “But to Hannah he gave a double portion, because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb.” 1 Samuel 1

Ruth. The woman who had been married for ten years and didn’t bear any children.

Sarah. The woman who longed for a child for years. The woman who’s womb had been closed by God.

Elizabeth. The woman who was in her husband’s and her own eyes, way too old to continue hoping for a child. Her time had passed. The Lord had obviously closed her womb.

Samson’s Mama. The woman who’s name we don’t even know.  ” There was a certain man of Zorah, of the tribe of the Danites, whose name was Manoah. And his wife was barren and had no children…” (Judges 13:2)  How many people actually knew that she was barren? How embarrassed she must have felt.

Why is the barren walk hopeful? Why is the barren journey worth walking, sweet daughter who’s hope is fading?

Well, stop for a second and look at these women. Look at their stories. Thousands of years later and we’re still finding hope from their barren journeys. These women are blazing the trails not just for us, but for all of God’s daughters around the world.

Hannah gave birth to Samuel after years and years of waiting. Do you know who Samuel is? Samuel was used by God as a prophet to speak to the people of Israel, God’s chosen people. God had insane plans for Hannah’s son. He stinkin’ changed the course of history.

Ruth was married ten years. No children and then her husband dies. She is left childless and hopeless, but God had other plans for her. She was led to Boaz, who asked for her hand in marriage and God blessed them. He showed sweet, sweet favor on them and she had a son, Obed. Do you know who Obed is? He is the father of Jesse, who is the father of David. She birthed a son who would continue to usher in the lineage of Christ! There was PURPOSE in the waiting. There was a PLAN in the waiting.

Sarah, the woman who laughed at the Lord when she was told she would bear a child. The woman who in her old age felt a kick in her womb. The woman who cried and cried and cried when she came to realize that there was life within her. The woman who birthed Isaac. Do you know who Isaac is? He is the boy God would use to usher in the promise He made to Abraham. He is the boy whom “more offspring than the stars in the sky” would come from. What she thought was impossible, God made happen. Nothing is impossible with God, sweet mama in waiting.

Elizabeth, Zechariah’s wife and Mary’s relative. Elizabeth, the woman who was known to be barren. Elizabeth, the woman who shocked the whole city when she birthed the man who blazed the trail for Jesus. The man we call John the Baptist. Her wait was worth it. Her child declared the glory of God to thousands. HE baptized JESUS and he too changed the course of history. 

Samson’s Mama waited and waited. She walked the barren life, I’m sure many times feeling alone, confused, frustrated. But the Lord knew what he had for her. She would give birth to Samson, who would choose to lose his life in order to wipe out the Philistines, those against the Lord, those who worshiped false gods and because of Samson, enemies were defeated and history was changed.

Don’t you see? God has chosen you. Your walk is not in vain. Your walk is what will one day blaze the trail for generations to come. Don’t grow cold to the Lord’s beautiful plan for your life. Embrace it.

He has spent extra time on your precious story.

He has chosen you to be used by Him through your journey. Open up your heart to hear from Him, to hear Him whisper promises over you. Have you been told you will be a mother to many? Because I have. I cling to it. I don’t know how that promise will look. It may unfold with my little house covered with babies from all over the place. Babies who at one time were orphans. Babies who at one time needed a mama. The Lord may allow me to physically carry life in my womb. He may give me the sweet gift of seeing a little girl look like me, a little boy look my precious husband. My promise may unfold ten years from now. The Lord might have me wait. He might have YOU wait.

He might choose to allow you to step in Hannah’s shoes. He might choose to allow you to experience what she did and oh friend, what an honor that would be.

God’s not done writing your story, so don’t give up like He has forgotten you. Like He doesn’t see your desires. Like He doesn’t care about your story, because it’s just the opposite.

He cares SO much about your story, that He decided to make yours look like so many women in the Word.
And if your story has the same beginning as these women, that can only mean one thing…
your story will have the same ending.

God has purpose in your wait. Keep desiring. Keep seeking. Keeping wanting to be a mama. Your day is coming.

“And blessed is she that has believed that the Lord would fulfill the promises spoken to her…” Luke 1:45

ash and brett

Since writing this over two years ago, my life has drastically changed in ways I could have never planned for myself! Ladies, give Jesus your wait.  He wants to do so much more in your sweet little family than ever imaginable. After struggling over the course of two years with the diagnosis of endometriosis to infertility to infertility treatments to  two pregnancies to two miscarriages to an adoption birth mother matching to finding out a week later I was pregnant (using no fertility treatments), I am now the mama to TWO beautiful babies. My sweet Marshallese princess Sadie Anne and my handsome baby boy Todd Mitchell. I was in Hannah’s shoes. For so long, I felt stuck in my wilderness. But can  I share with you a secret? There is sweet romance to be found in that desert place between you and your God. Let Him romance you. Let Him sweep you off your feet in this wait. Let Him whisper sweet promises in your ear, daughter who is hurting. Because it is in the wait, it is in the wilderness, that we fall in love with our Jesus, with our Prince Charming. When He becomes your enough, your heart becomes full long before you ever receive the promise. Flourish in the wait my friend.

Flourish, BABY, flourish,

Ashleigh

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. Daphne says:

    I’ve been on both the waiting and the joy side of motherhood. This was beautiful! Praying for you and all the girls who are waiting this Mother’s Day.

    1. Daphne,
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read my heart. There is a reason God allows us to go through the wilderness at times…he desires to show us more of who He is through the nights where we are wide awake wondering why our time has not come yet…but there is SO much joy found in the waiting because that’s where we are taught to find complete and total joy in Jesus ALONE. Hug and kiss your babies for us 🙂
      Ashleigh

  2. Renewed Hope says:

    I can’t even begin to tell you what this post has meant. I am sitting in the walmart parking lot and decided to just stop and read this one. I am now sitting with tears streaming down my face. I am young, yes, but I can’t tell you just how much I wish for my own family. I take care of babies for a living and it has become increasingly difficult seeing them and loving them only to hand them over at the end of the day. Don’t get me wrong I couldn’t stop loving them if I tried it is just hard. Recently I’ve become very down just because I feel as though I will never find that special someone and finally try for a family. I’ve been told that once I start trying it may very well be impossible to actually carry the little one, which breaks my heart every time, but I’ve also been told by so many others they see me having lots of my own littles ones. This post has given me a new sense of hope and a renewed faith in my Father. Thank you sweet girl, God is using you in more ways than one. Thank you!!!

  3. Catherine says:

    I just have to say that I needed read this, especially this week. It’s extremely hard waiting and I do lose hope from time to time, but this was so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing this to help other women out there. I will share this as well as cherish this. THANK YOU THANK YOU

  4. Susan d says:

    i waited so long, until I was led to China and my 2 amazingly wonderful daughters!! Keep your minds open!!

  5. La Christa says:

    What a blessing and how perfect God’s timing for Him to lead me to this today through a Facebook share. Oh, what love and joy has been renewed. I came to the Lord this morning with my cup half empty but left my devotions with my cup running over so much that I must have shared this with a dozen friends.

    Thank you for following God’s leading, and sharing your heart so that others may be blessed. May God continue to use you, and may we always be susceptible to His voice! <3

  6. Ashley says:

    I cannot tell you how much My soul needed to read this! I long to be a wife and mom. I long so much for those days I cry myself to sleep countless nights wondering why my prayers seem to fall on deaf ears. The life of a single surrounded by families is a lonely life. Thank You for this beautiful reminder.

  7. Lauren says:

    Thank you so much for writing this. Thank you so much for giving hope to women who feel hopeless and trapped and oftentimes broken. I am one such woman and I can’t express how touched I am. It’s hard to never see a positive pregnancy test. It’s hard to feel like you’re disappointing a husband who is so amazing and deserves the family he wants. It’s hard to stay faithful and to not succumb to envy and anger when you see others who have what you would treasure, and to see it come so effortlessly. Thank you for reminding me that ALL paths are beautiful. That ALL paths are blessed. You have done a great service to so many women, if the comments are anything to judge by. You have a beautiful heart and message. So THANK YOU FOR sharing it with me.

  8. Kelly says:

    Thank you. There are so many that do not understand why at 21, being single and obviously childless, I answer “Yes” when someone asks me if I’m a mom. I may not be a mom to the kids I babysit, or the kids I work with at a foster care organization, but I was mom for a time to a precious little 2 year old girl in Nicaragua. That was 3 years ago and even those who know I was there don’t understand, because they weren’t there. I may never again know where she is, if she is safe, loved, fed, or even alive, but I know that God used that time when I was 19 to confirm in my heart what he told me when I was 17, that I would be the mother to so many more than I can imagine.
    I don’t know what that will look like. I don’t know how long I will have to wait, but I know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.

    1. Kelly, we lOVE THIS!! YES YES YES! You ARE a mama. You ARE a mama to that precious angel in Nicaragua…and so many won’t understand that, but that’s okay. The Lord has called you to pray for that child, to love on that child from a distance and to fight for that child through prayer…YOU ARE HER MAMA! That’s what a mama is called to do. Fight for her babies. Praying for you that the Lord leads you down such a beautiful path and that He directs and guides your life beautifully!!
      Flourish, BABY, flourish =)
      Ashleigh

  9. so beyond thankful to have come across this tonight… ive been longing for kids since half way through high school (im 21 now).. its something I’ve always felt i had to hide.. i needed to hear im not crazy for having this longing at such a young age and no signs of a husband or children in the relatively near future….

    1. Hey pretty 21 year old =) We are so thankful that the Lord brought you to our words. Not being able to see your husband or family can make your desire for a baby seem crazy, but it is certainly NOT. God knew the plans of your life before you ever took your first breath. He planned to put that desire in your heart long before you would meet your husband. Hold on to the promises that the Lord has given you. Date Jesus and cling to Him through this season of singleness and in the mean time? Pray Pray Pray for your babies to be…for God’s flawless timing and even for your husband. This is your season to prepare your heart. God has GOOD things in store for you, brave one! Praying with you through your promises of being a mama!! Flourish, BABY, flourish, Ashleigh =)

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