Isn’t it funny how the Lord speaks? He speaks through people. He speaks through silence. He speaks through the words of worship.
Here lately, as these past few weeks have slowly crept on, I’ve found myself asking Jesus for specific things. I see this adoption process, this wait coming to an end. This brings an uncertainty in my heart, as only He knows ultimately what will take place in the coming days. Only He knows the final word. The end result. And as the ending draws near, I’ve found myself asking Jesus to show me more. To speak to me more. To open my eyes just a little bit wider to His beautiful work in front of us, before this journey is a thing of the past…
because I don’t wanna miss a thing.
I don’t wanna walk away from this journey, from this long and enduring adoption walk, without having fully grasped His voice in the steps. Every tear we’ve shed. Every surrender Brett and I have made as we’ve prayed over and over again in our bed night after night. Every anxious thought. Every single victory. I don’t wanna miss Him through all of this…because when He leads us down a path, the journey and the conversation that happens in between is just as important as the destination. Jesus, don’t let me miss you in this. Speak Lord. What do you wanna reveal to me? What do you wanna show me as we wait just a few more days for our little girl?
And then Sunday…I hear words sung over me…words that pierce my heart and leave my mascara plastered on my face.
“You put your love on the line…”
A song by Hillsong.
“You put your love on the line…to bear the weight of sin that was mine…washing my river of wrongs…into the sea of your infinite love…”
“Ashleigh, this is what my love is. Putting my love on the line with hopes that you’ll choose me. Putting my love, my Jesus, my One and Only son, on the cross to bear the weight of your sin with hopes that you’ll realize how desperately you need me. I risked everything for you. My prized possession…giving you the option to choose me, but not forcing it…”
Is this not what I’m doing right now? In this adoption? In this unknown? Putting it all out on the line? Putting all of our finances out on the line for a little girl that we don’t know for certain is ours just yet? Putting all of our hearts on the line of love with a prayer that she’ll choose us? Knowing we could have our hearts smashed into a million pieces if she doesn’t? Isn’t it risky, Ashleigh? Is not all of the emotions that are raging through your mind and heart right now just a teeny version of the real thing? Of the real love that Jesus put on the line?
Emotions. Tears. Confidence. Bold prayers. Belief. Assurance. Trust. Risk. Laying it all out on the line.
“Do you get it now, Ashleigh?”
“Do you get my love for you now? The risk that I took on that cross? Knowing you could choose to reject it all…?”
Oh God. I’m broken. I get it. Your mercy. Your love for me. Your love for a humanity that has denied you. What a great risk. The greatest risk. But God. Because of the risk, I’m saved. Because of the risk, I’m redeemed and adopted. I’m given a love I’ve never known before. A love that was put on the line for me. For a girl that fails you over and over.
Oh Daddy…this is what you wanted to show me. This is what you’ve wanted to sing over me. This love, this risk…saved my very soul. And what an honor to turn around and because of your love, choose to risk all I have for a little girl in Arkansas named Sadie Anne. To risk everything, our hearts being broken, rejection, financial loss. To risk our love for her.
Because you put your love on the line…
“With arms held high, Lord I give my life…knowing I’m found in Christ, in your love forever. With all I am, in your grace I stand, the greatest of all romance, love of God my Savior…
To the One who has rescued my soul…To the One who has welcomed me home…To the One who is Savior of all…I sing forever..”
I get it Daddy. Our loves on the line right now as we wait just a few more days to see your power displayed. We are believing in your strength and power. We are claiming that our love put on the line will not be wasted. Bring her home Jesus. Bring her home to us.
FLOURISH, SADIE ANNE, FLOURISH,